You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
