The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
