Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
