I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize