my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh god it's open bar.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize