Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
