:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
