I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
