Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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