i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This baby is an asshole
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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