my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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