dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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