Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
