i just had sex bonerless
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
you never un-have a 4some
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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