ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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