Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
