I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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