I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
