She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
