4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize