you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
