I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
