I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
