I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
