this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
