He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
