it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
