Can i not drive my cunt home
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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