Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
