I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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