So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
