5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
