I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
