Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
