Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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