fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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