There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
