the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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