omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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