i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
