hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize