I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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