Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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