After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
