does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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