I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
