I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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