I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
