alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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