i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
