Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
