He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
