did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize