Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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