he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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