it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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