Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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