angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
