And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
